What is a red flag for a therapist?

Therapy should feel safe, even when the conversations are hard. Licensed therapists follow codes of ethics, and knowing the basics helps you tell the difference between "this is uncomfortable because it's important" and "this isn't okay."

Serious red flags: ethics problems

These go against the standards licensed therapists are held to. The examples below draw on the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association's Code of Ethics (CCPA 2020 Code of Ethics).

1. They aren't licensed, or won't say who regulates them. Check the public register (see How to choose a therapist).
2. No explanation of consent at the start. Therapists are expected to explain the purpose, process, risks and benefits of therapy when it begins, and you can say no (CCPA Code, B4).
3. Vague about confidentiality. Information is kept confidential, with specific exceptions they should explain clearly (CCPA Code, B2).
4. Any sexual or romantic contact. Counsellors avoid any type of sexual contact with clients (CCPA Code, B12). This is never okay, at any age.
5. Mixing roles. Becoming your friend, business partner or social-media buddy. Multiple relationships are avoided unless justified, because they increase the risk of harm (CCPA Code, B8).
6. Working beyond their skills without referring you on. Therapists should refer you when your needs exceed their competence (CCPA Code, A3).

Warning signs of a poor fit

7. You feel judged, lectured or talked down to. You should feel heard, even when they challenge you.
8. They talk about themselves a lot. Occasional, purposeful sharing can help. Sessions that become about them don't.
9. No sense of direction. After several sessions, there's no shared idea of goals or how you'll know it's working.
10. Pressure. Pushing you to stay, buy extra services, or adopt their personal beliefs.

The relationship matters for results: a large review found a stronger client–therapist working relationship was linked to better outcomes (Flückiger et al., 2018). A poor fit isn't a small thing.

Things that feel uncomfortable but aren't red flags

• Feeling worse briefly after talking about something painful
• Your therapist gently challenging a pattern or belief
• Being asked about difficult topics like safety, substance use or self-harm (that's part of good care)
• Your therapist explaining when they'd have to break confidentiality
• Firm policies on fees and cancellations, as long as they're explained up front

Extra red flags for teens and parents

• A therapist who wants to contact a teen privately on social media or personal messaging
• Promises to keep everything secret, including serious safety risks (no therapist can promise that)
• Telling parents everything without explaining the arrangement to the teen first, or refusing to explain the arrangement to parents at all

For how privacy with parents usually works, see Can teens go to therapy without parental consent?.

What to do if you see a red flag

• For a poor fit: say so. "I don't think this is working for me" is enough. A good therapist will respect it, and you can find someone else.
• For an ethics concern: stop sessions if you feel unsafe, write down what happened, and contact the therapist's regulator. In Nova Scotia, counselling therapists' regulator accepts complaints from the public (NSCCT); psychologists and social workers have their own regulators.
• If someone is in danger: call 911.

Frequently asked questions

About the author

Courtney Cribb, MEd, RCT, CCC, is a Registered Counselling Therapist in Nova Scotia who works mostly with teens and young adults. Her research on teens and sexting is published in the Canadian Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy. She offers online sessions by video or phone across Nova Scotia and, where permitted, elsewhere in Canada. Learn about teen therapy with Courtney.